So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
