So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
