i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
