she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
