Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
