So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
