I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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