Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
