we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
