Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
did i just pee glitter
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
