She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
