Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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