Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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