Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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