So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
