I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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