I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
