I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
