Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there's paper in my vomit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
