Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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