my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
