How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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