Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize