if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Damn victory sex feels great
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
