This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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