If i come over, it means nothing
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
