(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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