so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
