We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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