I am puke
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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