Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize