there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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