i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
