Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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