Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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