just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
