I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
