his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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