Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
