mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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