it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
