Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
