The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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