If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
