Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
