I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
