My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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