I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
