Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm going to jail i love you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
