im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
