Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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