nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
