When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
