We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize