They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
