What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
