Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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