just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just invented taco cereal.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
