those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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