i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
