9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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