I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
