what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
