Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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