If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
