If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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