I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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