i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We have started to decorate penises.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
