Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?