It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.