Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means