hotel room ftw
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday