Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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