I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
