Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
