I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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