Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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